All my perfect imperfections

First off let me explain a little about myself. I am not perfect, duh. LoL...

I am bipolar diabetic and my drug of choice is food. I have had several years of a very stressful life which I will not get into at this time... all you need to know is things are much much better. I say this because although I have always struggled with my weight, I wasn't unhealthy growing up, just chunky. Now I am obese! I have been for several years. I started to get that way before I was put on the right dosage of medications because it took several years to be properly diagnosed... another story for another time.

My father passed away in October of 2012, I got my CNA certification, was working in a care home, landed a seat directly into the LVN course through Humboldt College by-passing the wait-list, lost 50 lbs.... and ended up pregnant. This was of course a blessing! We didn't think I could have a baby! My husband and I have been super blessed by God!!!

During the pregnancy I did EVERYTHING to make this pregnancy as healthy as possible. I couldn't work because I was high risk and when my BP read 178/93 my doctor went uh-uh you are done! (not in those words) My job was taking care of my body.... I walked daily, I ate very strictly.... I was diabetic before pregnancy and had been taking good enough care of myself that I was no longer on any medication to stabilize my sugars so the idea was to do that for as long as I could during my pregnancy... which was successful for the most part. my first 2 trimesters I didn't take anything and on the 3rd trimester I started taking the smallest amount of oral medication. My BP remained normal during the pregnancy but got higher during the 3rd trimester but not enough that they wanted to put me on medication. The only weight I gain during pregnancy was baby weight and 2 weeks after birth I was back to pre-pregnancy weight.

However during the 3rd trimester we had to move back "home" and while this first year as a "new" mom (I helped raise my step-kids but missed the baby stuff) has been wonderful and fun I have tried to balance  between being a new mom, working, and dealing with living in a small little town that does me no good physically. I was born and for the most part raised in a small community where I am blessed with friends, family, and awesome church family. The rent is affordable and we can survive without a car (well my mom has one which makes it nice) so there are great things about this area...but it always depresses me when I move back and I gain weight back...

But this is where I need to stop the bleeding! Stop crying over spilled milk.... So I want to live where there is clean air, nice green trees to look at while walking surrounded in beauty, rivers or brooks or some form of water.... but alas I get the worst air quality ever, dirt, tumbleweeds, dirt, no rain, dirt... oooo the heat did I tell you about how hot it gets?????

Ahhh let me back it up again.... this is where I stop crying over spilled milk. I guess what I need to do is find a place in my mind and pretend there is green and water and who am I kidding.... It's time to quit allowing dirt heat and poor air quality keep me from my goals and to not teach my son bad habits and to teach him not to let this lil ol podunk town keep him from his goals... my goal???? To be healthy..... my number one goal? To raise my son to be healthy.... but they go hand in hand... I can't raise him to be healthy and make better choices if I don't set the right example.

I know what to eat, how to cook it, what to stay away from... and when I do eat healthy I do it well.... my baby came out of a high risk pregnancy healthy healthy healthy and he likes to eat so many variety of healthy food right now and he is only 10 months. I was good while I was breastfeeding then when I lost the milk and didn't need to do it for him anymore I stopped doing it for me.... but the truth is.... I still have to set a good example and he watches everything I do and every bite I put into my mouth and our little boy is smart so I gotta get my act in shape now!

As much as I am ashamed to admit it I have been 317 lbs at my highest... right now sadly I'm back up to 282... here to my next goal of 250... yes that's not my finishing goal but it's a start and then I will set my next goal and keep pushing till I am healthy! I'm not a spring chicken, had my baby when I was 37, now I want to be able to keep up with my very active son for a very long time. Just had another birthday I am 2 years away from 40 and mentally feel like I should be in my 20's still, but my body sure isn't

so here we go...

September 1st 2014 starting out with a no sugar challenge